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hard wired surge protector from teasing to violence: getting attention to getting even

by:KEBO      2019-08-05
With the recent focus on school violence in the suburbs, people are increasingly curious about the sources of social exclusion among teenagers, the painful facts about the healthiest lives, and we believe that our children are happiestThe point of this article is to make fun of it, which is an almost universal experience that means far more than we usually pay attention to it.In Norway, after two suicide incidents linked to teasing were identified, oneIn 1992, the school launched a fun course, so in the next two years, the number of fun was reduced by 50%.Most of us sympathize with the kid who complains about being teased or bullied.
Our advice is often simple: "Try to ignore it," and the theory is that when the victim does not respond, the preacher gets bored and gives it up.But this reduces the reaction of the audience performing by other participants, bystanders or bullies who reward the scene with their attention.Besides, none of us are good at ignoring our feelings, and the feelings caused by teasing are stronger and more painful than what we are willing to admit, maybe it's because we feel powerless to protect our children from this ubiquitous attack.
The two main feelings involved are usually the subject of discussion during treatment: shame and anger, or extreme: shame and anger.Looking back, it seems to me that the relationship between shame and anger should be obvious.When something or someone makes you feel powerless and extremely helpless, what you desire most is something that can help you feel strong, or at least safe.
We don't like to talk about these disturbing feelings.Shame is something we hide or minimize, because exposing shame only makes things worse.So the impact and consequences of teasing, humiliation and over-criticism are still vague for many of us.
The resulting anger surprised us.
Many things will make us feel powerless.
Whenever we go through a major loss or disappointment, we feel powerless.We feel powerless when we are humiliated, laughed at, criticized or bullied.We may feel powerless when we are ignored.
We may feel powerless when we feel sick, tired or hungry.When a young child desires power, there are only a few options.He can seek the protection of love from a relatively strong parent or caretaker.
He can practice things that give him a sense of mastery and control.He can exercise power over a smaller or weaker person or thing.He can imagine the fantasy scene of power or revenge.
Babies are good at reaching out for protection.While some people may be more fussing than others, most babies have a powerful way for most adults to feel nurtured and protected from them.A toddler is experimenting with more and more action and communication skills that provide a sense of mastery and control for a small part of his universe.
But if you speak harshly to a toddler, you will see frustrated eyes representing the classic posture and facial expressions that are the main influence of shame.Some painful cries usually follow, and it is not uncommon to be accompanied by angry pains, as toddler reorganizes and attacks you with the worst insult in his vocabulary.The wave of aggression after failure is part of our emotional evolutionary legacy.
These two feelings are hard together, and the order is normal and inevitable.But we do have some choices about how to think and how to deal with these feelings, which are learnable and therefore acceptable.Discovering that a toddler loses his temper is lovely and laughs at its parents, or finding it intolerable and punishing its parents will immediately see the shame and anger of the child re-staged.
The scene was repeated several times, and the child quickly remembered the helpless anger.In this case, another option for parents is to help the child release the sense of shame and anger and start learning how to do it.By listening carefully and labeling feelings, parents can accept the expression of emotions while resolutely limiting any dangerous or destructive behavior.
Understand, accept and label shame and anger (and predict that it will pass soon) to reassure the child and continue to be respected and loved;These reactions help children overcome the feeling of helplessness more quickly, which is an important emotional skill.A five-year-The old man who entered the school suddenly faced a bigger world full of danger and the opportunity to feel powerless.What does he know about this feeling of pain and confusion, and what to do?If he doesn't learn quickly how to recover from shame and anger, he may be in a crash class.
Soon he will meet a disapproved adult or competitor who will trigger a sense of shame and helplessness, followed by a sense of aggression or anger.He will practice one or more strategies to deal with this situation and choose one as his favorite.He may try to cover up his anger by venting his anger in a series of destructive selves.
criticism.
He may fantasize about revenge and even plan and implement some form of revenge.He may vent his aggression to others, seeking ways to restore status by teasing or harassing others, or by transferring responsibility.Or he may find a supportive listener to solve the problem, although it requires skill and sensitive communication between the child and the listener.
When he was young, there were so many such events that he quickly established a preference for one of the strategies.In the short term, it may work well to hide helplessness and take shame in the heart, or to regain a sense of power.But often this can lead to some unreleased shame or anger that can become a long-term expectation of social danger.
Teenagers live in a world where the choice to reach out to a caring adult becomes more complex and difficult.When the main psychological task is to establish independence, even the need to seek the understanding and help of adults can be the source of embarrassment or shame.In all competitive positionsImportant Peer groups usually take the form of teasing or bullying, and a young man tries to make himself the center of attention by teasing another young man.
This is a universal game that can be a healthy display of social muscles to a certain extent.But these restrictions are not known, so they are easy to cross.The young people who are the butt of jokes are in a bad situation in defining the rules of the game.
Shame and harm rule in silence, and the inevitable anger begins to grow soon.Young people may point this anger to any of the many targets.He may define himself as a loser and become angry with himself and erode himself.
esteem.
He may be angry that adults in the world are not protecting him, or are angry with "game winners" because of their cruelty or insensitivity.This anger is hard to express, especially for those who irritate it.Therefore, it is more likely to turn inward and become something of the self.
Hatred of revenge or fantasy of angerFortunately, many children have found ways to cross the minefield without obvious scars.But many people don't.There is a long term expectation of criticism or humiliation for eating disorders, adolescent depression, and opposition disorders, and long-term anger is either focused on the self, or on the outside world, or both.For some, anger has fueled the illusion of constant revenge.
Their angry demeanor cleverly excludes some of their peers and makes them more isolated and angry.They are sympathetic to the lyrics of anger in the song, the images of anger in the film, and some angry friends, their companions.Academic and social failures and isolation add to shame and anger.
Emotion "inspires" us to act.
Anger can trigger anger or violence against yourself or the outside world
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